I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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