to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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