I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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