i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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