I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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