I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
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his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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