I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize