You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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