Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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