He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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