Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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