so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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