Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize