Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize