The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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