I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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