I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I just sharted jello shots
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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