Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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