see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize