I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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