Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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