And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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