I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh god it's open bar.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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