What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize