Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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