you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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