Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she woke up with a sticky ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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