I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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