Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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