im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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