I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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