Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize