I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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