Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wanna go halves on a baby?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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