6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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