i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize