Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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