This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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