Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize