I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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