Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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