I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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