I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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