Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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