My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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