they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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