just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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