Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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