i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize