Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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